I imagine a prisoner, held in a dark dungeon, bound by chains for years and years. The chains and shackles hurt his wrists and the cold, hard floor don't make for a comfortable bed. The prisoner dreams of one day seeing the sky and running around in the light of the sun. Then, one day the shackles are broken and the prisoner is told, BE FREE!
The man is overjoyed and bolts toward the open air. The sun is warm and the grass is soft. There is opportunity everywhere. But the man soon realizes that he doesn't know where to go or where he will work or where he should sleep or with whom he should associate...he doesn't know how to live life as a free man. So, he retreats to the dark, cold familiarity of the dungeon and grabs ahold of his chains...and continues to wonder what it would be like to live a life of freedom.
This has been my story of recovery. I have been set free from the shackles of bondage and addiction, but learning to live the life of a free man has not come easily. I have had to relearn everything...how to develop healthy friendships, how to spend my free time, how to be a responsible adult, how to respect myself and others, how to work, how to manage money, how to love, how to relate to God...EVERYTHING!
This past Sunday, I came to the altar at church, in response to a "Call to respond". I knelt, with my face in my hands and cried...and prayed. I let it all go. I told God how tired I was of trying to figure all of this out. I asked Him to take everything...all of my fears, hopes, disappointments, failures, dreams, even my relationship with Him...and guide me into a new season. I cried out, "I don't want to hold anything back. I don't want to be in charge of any part of my life. I am not good at it." I asked Him to take charge of it all. I asked Him to fill me with His presence and show me how to live this life of freedom.
God heard my cry for help.
I am experiencing what feels like a personal revival. I feel like I am grabbing ahold of God, but I am pretty sure He is grabbing ahold of me. I am daily placing my chains and shackles in His hands...so that I don't reach for them in a moment of fear or weakness. I am taking Him by the hand, so that He can lead me out into the warm light of the Son.
I realize that I still don't know how to do it...to live life as a free man. But I do know that it is for freedom that Christ has set us free. He asks us to stand firm and not let ourselves be burdened again with a yoke of slavery. So, for now, I will let Him lead me where I cannot lead myself.
God Help me to live in FREEDOM!
