SEX - I Don't Want To Be Your B*tch Anymore!

Well, since crystal meth is known to be a sex related drug, it stands to reason that I would have some issues surrounding - SEX.  I can't believe I am writing this and I may or may not crawl under a rock after I publish it....

But here goes...

I have come to the realization that much of my drug use is completely intertwined with compulsive sex issues.  I am not necessarily talking about identity or gender issues (at the moment), but about living a life that inordinately revolves around thinking about sex, seeking out sex, fantasizing about sex, visual and physical stimulation in real life and internet...  and 'acting out'.  ('acting out' is the more palatable way of saying 'engaging in sexual behavior')

God made sex, but I am pretty sure He didn't intend for me to spend a ridiculous amount of time and energy immersed in it.  When I was living in Los Angeles, during my drug use, I was exposed to a lot of stuff that is hard to shake off.  It is kind of like the drugs...it gives a momentary stimulation and provides an escape from reality and whatever emotion or issue in life, I don't want to deal with.  

After so much time engaging in unhealthy sexual behavior (internet and 'acting out'), I feel like I can't survive without it.  I need it.  I crave it...just like the drug.

I compare it to drugs because it has a similar pattern and affect: High and pleasure...then disappointment over the lack of satisfaction and diminished self esteem.  Anything that has control over me diminishes my self esteem. It basically looks at me and says, "Guess what? ...You are my b*tch!"

SO...

I have started walking out a process of being open and accountable about my sexual compulsion.  I have begun a 7 day purity cleanse...(I named it that..ha).  I have committed to 7 days of abstaining from every kind of unhealthy sexual stimulation: internet visuals and 'acting out'.  Today is my third day.  Interestingly, I seem to have a lot more time on my hands and I already feel a 100 times more creative and clear headed.  

I realize that writing all of this might make me seem like a total pervert, but I don't care. I am walking away from judging myself, condemning myself and being ashamed. God is walking me into a new era and I am just trying to be obedient to walk in the light that He provides. 

So, 7 days is what I can handle right now. But, I know that God doesn't want me to be sexual compulsion's b*tch.  He wants me to be His son, His heir, His friend....so He's going to help me through this.

If you feel like joining me for the next 4 days, as an act of solidarity and support, please do.  I am hopeful!

 

Galatians 5:1 The Message (MSG)

"Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone [or anything] put a harness of slavery on you.?