Is This As Good As It Gets?

Have you ever opened your eyes in the morning and asked yourself, "is this it? ...is this all there is? ...is this my life?"  - wake up feeling lonely and not sure if I want to fight through this stuff another day... wanting to be creative and change the world but knowing I need to be ready to mop floors, take orders and bus tables...  

I always believed that I could do anything I want to do and be anything I want to be.  But life happens...disappointment happens...struggle happens...failure happens...sh*t happens.  And then it is easier to believe that the life I have now is just about as good as it gets.  Now, compared to hiding behind dumpsters, sleeping outside and getting hypothermia, being rescued from the rooftop of a building in downtown Los Angeles, hating myself and believing God had utterly rejected me...I'd say I am in a good place.  

But, is there more?   ....How do I get there?

My dad always told me that you cannot accurately plan a trip to a destination and get there successfully, if you don't know where you are starting from.  Whoah, thanks captain obvious!  ...duh.  Yeah, not duh...  I thought I knew where I was.  I used my job, my salary, my friends, my relationship, my popularity, my geographic location, my fancy apartment to show me exactly where I was.  The problem was that those external props don't show me where I am....they only show me what I have.

This is the beauty of this season of my life...it is showing me where I really am.  I am a guy who has to live with his parents.  I am a guy who cannot handle open access to the internet.  I am a guy who can't afford a car that doesn't accumulate puddles in the floorboard when it rains.  I am a guy who fights everyday just to stay sober.  I am a guy who has to remind myself that I am not a failure and less than everyone around me.  I am a guy who knows exactly where he is...for the first time in his life.  I don't have the external props to give me a false starting point.  

That means that when I talk to God, I am coming from an authentic place.  I know what I am asking for...I know how much I need God.  I know that anything good in me has come directly from Him.

Great News, I know how to get where I want to go.  Mind you, I have no idea what that is going to look like, where it is geographically or really much at all about where I am going....YET, I know how to get there.  How?? ....you say??

I know where I am and I have instructions for the journey: 

ASK..PLAN..WALK..TRUST

James 1:5 - "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

Proverbs 16:9 - "The mind of a man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps."

2 Corinthians 5:7 - "For we walk by faith, not by sight."

Proverbs 3:5-6 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don't lean solely on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge trust in God, and He will make your paths straight."

Does this mean that I will tiptoe through the tulips today singing Doris Day songs?  ....umm, well maybe.   ....but not because I have no worries and this process isn't tough.  

It just means that I can ask God for help...  plan my life the best way I know how...  walk forward confidently, in faith...  trust that God will direct my steps and lead me to a more beautiful future than I could have planned alone, as I consistently acknowledge Him.

Oops...I better get ready for work.  Serving tables....here I come!!!