It's so weird...I feel so good.
I am 38 years old and learning how to be a lunchtime server at a restaurant, have no health insurance, making just a little money, living in my parent's home, drive an old Honda, (when it gets out of the shop) and don't have a lot going on outside of work and home...
...and I don't think I have ever felt so at peace. I feel so content being right where I am, doing exactly what I am doing.
I have been practicing total honesty with myself, God and my sponsor. I feel clean... I feel light... I feel free... I am not so worried about whether I am living up to someone else's expectation. I am absolutely confident that, at this moment, I am absolutely pleasing to God. And I am also pleased with myself. I am living in a way that doesn't erode my self worth.
I woke up this morning with such a sense of gratitude. I was singing songs to God in the shower and continued as I got ready. I started crying so hard, I couldn't hardly see to blow dry my hair (and if you know me, that's a pretty important time for me...fixing my hair) LOL!!
I walked my dog and started thanking God for letting me live through this last relapse, for helping me to regain sanity in my mind, for extending such grace and mercy to such a repeat offender, for giving me such a beautiful place to live, for letting me have a job I enjoy, for giving me a sponsor who leads me toward a life I've never known, for letting me be with my dog, for giving me a voice to return praise, for giving me parents who live out Christ-likeness - for realz, for helping me to start seeing myself as designed intentionally instead of shamefully broken, for giving me a peace and contentment in my heart that I can barely explain...
I do not know what tomorrow holds...but I know Who holds tomorrow. I don't know if I will ever be important to many...but I know now that I am important to One! ...and for this, I am grateful.
...Just for today!
Psalms 3:8 (Message)
Real help comes from God. Your blessing clothes your people!
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