I was hanging out with some people also in recovery, this weekend. One of the guys had the audacity to tell me that he has noticed that I manipulate people around me to do what I want them to do, in an attempt to have them make me feel the way I want to feel.
I had to replay the scorning in my head a few times before I even understood it. Once I did, I felt sick. I knew it was true.
He mentioned that this kind of interaction does not produce real relationship with others. In doing this, we objectify people, use them for our benefit, and then discard them when they are no longer producing the desired feeling in our lives.
The whole idea is just shocking! It sounds horrid and callous.
He then mentioned that most people engage in this behavior to varying degrees. But, to the degree we can separate from this narcissistic behavior, we can, to that same degree, experience authentic relationship.
Whoah!! I don't want my interaction with others to be contrived: manipulating them to do this...say that...make me feel wanted...make me feel important...make me feel smart...make me feel good looking...make me feel OK....ME, ME, ME, ME, ME!!
Plus, it never works. Another person can never make me feel ok, if I don't feel ok from within. It's kind of like drug addiction. I kept trying to get the high to make me feel ok, but it didn't. So, I kept trying it again...and again...and again.
I need to find my sense of importance, intelligence, being wanted, being physically appealing, being worth while, from my knowledge of who and Whose I am.
As I grow in this knowledge, I will be free to appreciate others for who they are, more than how they can make me feel.
I have a feeling that my relationship with God will change, as well, through this process.
It is a process, but I am surrendering to it
...Just for today!
Wow Jeff you have people in recovery that tell it like it is (kinda like my home group) now I've found that i it bothers you that a comment was made see your part in it (like you did) and either receive it as truth or don't ( pray for God to reveil to you what he wants you to see) not ALL people in this program are out for your best interest so I've found that people withthemost recover are usually those I can learn the most from and are really out for our best interest and sobriety! Just my suggestion- And you are correct -as the big book in AA says It's progress and aslways remember take what you need and leave the rest!!!!!Your on God's journey be patient with JEFF:::))) Christine C. (Early Ducks)
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